October always seems to pass so quickly! But I knew it would. Now November is starting, and in two weekends Matt and I will be at School for Conversion! I started re-reading Irresistible Revolution today and am loving it just as much as the first time.
I was blessed today by Psalm 86:4,
Gladden the soul of your servant,
for to you, O Lord, do I lift up my soul.
I have been realizing this month how much anxieties and busyness and fatigue have been wearing me down. Transitioning from Summer to Winter certainly doesn't help, but I am hoping that iron and/or fish oil supplements may help me feel better physically, and that will give me a stronger foundation to feel better emotionally.
The bright side of my dark moods lately has been inspiration to write. For myself. I loved reading and writing poetry in high school, had no time for it at university (except for the very beginning of falling for Matt), but the last few weeks it has been a great outlet for me.
Daylight savings is next weekend, which means today is probably the last Monday I came home before dark. I probably should have savoured it a little more.
Last thing - Nimoy got pink eye. I feel like he is just one diaper change away from being more like a home ec assignment than a pet. But he's a trooper, and we didn't even take him to the vet on this one.
Monday, October 31, 2011
Friday, October 28, 2011
Laughing at God
I noticed something new today in Genesis - can you believe it? I have read Genesis every time I ever tried to read the whole Bible, which is tons of times. Like, I grew up trying to read the whole Bible. Never have gone cover to cover, although I do believe that by now I have read the entire Bible at one time or another. My Old Testament class at Tyndale really helped me push through Leviticus and not celebrate by stopping half way through Numbers.
But enough about me.
In Genesis 17, God promises Abraham (whose name he has just changed - pretty big deal) that he will have a son by Sarah (also a new name to reflect their new destiny), and that nations and kings will come from this son.
Abraham falls on his face, and he laughs because the promise is just so ridiculous. He is almost 100, and Sarah is 90 and Sarah has always been barren. Abraham's only son, Ishmael, had been conceived by Sarah's maidservant 13 years earlier because that seemed to be the only way for Abraham to ever have an heir. In response to this mind-bending promise from God, Abraham says,
"Oh that Ishmael might live before you!"
Sometimes when God makes a promise, it seems better to us that he would have consulted with us. Abraham already has a son, and he prays that God would bless him, that he would reel in his extravagant promises of Sarah having a son and just bless Abraham through the son he already has. Abraham can't muster up hope for another son, especially by his now 90 year old wife.
One of my new favourite verses in Scripture is Zechariah 8:6, which boils down to God saying, "If what I say is amazing to you, does that mean it is also amazing to me?" Here, God has just promised restoration to a conquered and exiled nation, and I guess he knew that everybody was a little hesitant to take him up on his offer, to put their hope in a promise that was too amazing to really believe. It must be a familiar feeling for God, since we know it goes at least as far back as Abraham.
God is never content to give us the best things we can imagine for ourselves. He understands that we humans are prone to doubt, that time weighs heavy on us, that our hearts can only hope for so much.
But he doesn't give in to our smallness, our frailty, our fatigue. He accounts for it! But he doesn't limit himself by it. He tells Abraham that Ishmael's blessings are already in place, that the child conceived in desperation to make God's promise come true has not been forgotten or left out, but that the original promise also stands. A son will be born, and his name means he laughs.
Nothing is impossible for the God who has always been making people laugh in disbelief at his promises.
But enough about me.
In Genesis 17, God promises Abraham (whose name he has just changed - pretty big deal) that he will have a son by Sarah (also a new name to reflect their new destiny), and that nations and kings will come from this son.
Abraham falls on his face, and he laughs because the promise is just so ridiculous. He is almost 100, and Sarah is 90 and Sarah has always been barren. Abraham's only son, Ishmael, had been conceived by Sarah's maidservant 13 years earlier because that seemed to be the only way for Abraham to ever have an heir. In response to this mind-bending promise from God, Abraham says,
"Oh that Ishmael might live before you!"
Sometimes when God makes a promise, it seems better to us that he would have consulted with us. Abraham already has a son, and he prays that God would bless him, that he would reel in his extravagant promises of Sarah having a son and just bless Abraham through the son he already has. Abraham can't muster up hope for another son, especially by his now 90 year old wife.
One of my new favourite verses in Scripture is Zechariah 8:6, which boils down to God saying, "If what I say is amazing to you, does that mean it is also amazing to me?" Here, God has just promised restoration to a conquered and exiled nation, and I guess he knew that everybody was a little hesitant to take him up on his offer, to put their hope in a promise that was too amazing to really believe. It must be a familiar feeling for God, since we know it goes at least as far back as Abraham.
God is never content to give us the best things we can imagine for ourselves. He understands that we humans are prone to doubt, that time weighs heavy on us, that our hearts can only hope for so much.
But he doesn't give in to our smallness, our frailty, our fatigue. He accounts for it! But he doesn't limit himself by it. He tells Abraham that Ishmael's blessings are already in place, that the child conceived in desperation to make God's promise come true has not been forgotten or left out, but that the original promise also stands. A son will be born, and his name means he laughs.
Nothing is impossible for the God who has always been making people laugh in disbelief at his promises.
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
Loving Enemies
There is someone who I hate. Who I have been trying not to hate, swinging back and forth for the last year maybe, from hate to conviction, to hate, to fatigue, to hate, to numb, to rage, to grief. It is astonishing how much emotion has been spent on this person, who I would prefer never to see again.
For many months, I have been praying that this person will leave my life. At the beginning of the month I prayed that this person would be gone by the end of the month, and it intrigued me, because I wondered why God would lead me to pray with a specific time frame for no reason that I could see.
And then last week this person barged into a special event, and I was SO MAD. And I was dreading getting stuck next to them and having to overhear their lame small talk or even worse make lame small talk, and I thought if that happened I would probably just puke in their lap. So I let God know I'd do my best not to be a huge jerk but that He should also note my fragile state and give me some outs.
And then God nudged me: "What if you reached out and tried to love this guy instead of just avoiding him?"
To which I replied, "Um, Lord, I can't. I am already using up everything I have to not hate him. Thought you knew that."
And God interrupted my sarcasm to say, "Isn't the easiest way not to hate someone to love them?"
Which had me stumped.
Fortunately I found an empty seat at the table that was not only across from Matt but also far enough down from he-who-shall-not-be-named that I could mostly pretend he wasn't there.
Because the moral of this story is not that I loved my enemy and it turned out okay. I can't make myself love this person any more than I can gain 20 pounds.
The moral of the story is that God hinted to me that his plan might not be to get this person out of my life but to change my heart.
For many months, I have been praying that this person will leave my life. At the beginning of the month I prayed that this person would be gone by the end of the month, and it intrigued me, because I wondered why God would lead me to pray with a specific time frame for no reason that I could see.
And then last week this person barged into a special event, and I was SO MAD. And I was dreading getting stuck next to them and having to overhear their lame small talk or even worse make lame small talk, and I thought if that happened I would probably just puke in their lap. So I let God know I'd do my best not to be a huge jerk but that He should also note my fragile state and give me some outs.
And then God nudged me: "What if you reached out and tried to love this guy instead of just avoiding him?"
To which I replied, "Um, Lord, I can't. I am already using up everything I have to not hate him. Thought you knew that."
And God interrupted my sarcasm to say, "Isn't the easiest way not to hate someone to love them?"
Which had me stumped.
Fortunately I found an empty seat at the table that was not only across from Matt but also far enough down from he-who-shall-not-be-named that I could mostly pretend he wasn't there.
Because the moral of this story is not that I loved my enemy and it turned out okay. I can't make myself love this person any more than I can gain 20 pounds.
The moral of the story is that God hinted to me that his plan might not be to get this person out of my life but to change my heart.
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