Limits

I'm giving up on setting limits;
We now have cockroaches.

By now, I mean we have probably had them all along but kept trying to deny it, didn't want to deal with it - I compromised by setting limits:

The first few roaches we found were just dead, and we thought maybe they were just left over from the previous tenant. No biggie, whatever poison or spray they used before we moved in had worked and we were just seeing the remnant of a situation that was under control. I decided this was okay; my limit was bugs that were alive.

Then we started seeing tiny little baby roaches, and they didn't freak me out too much, so I budged the boundaries of my mental limit to include tiny baby roaches that don't do any harm (and certainly don't grow up into real roaches).

Then, Matt and I were up late one night, and it occurred to me that since cockroaches like the dark, the middle of the night was probably a decent time to wander into the kitchen, flick on the light and see just what the situation was. It was bigger bugs. The cupboards under our sink are all sitting empty since Matt plugged up the mouse hole, so at least the roaches couldn't hide amongst our pots and pans. I killed a bunch with our fly swatter, and threw out their gross bodies. One escaped through an impossible crack at the bottom of our cupboard, so Matt said he could fill that with drywall compound too. My new bizarro limit - under the sink is okay as long as the upper cupboards stay pure.

Last night I was getting a glass of water when I startled a full-grown, speedy-fast cockroach in the cupboards. I screamed and then felt really disappointed that we definitely have to deal with this. Ugh.

Let me tell you something crazy though - these cockroaches aren't THAT big a deal to me. Yes they're gross... everyone knows how I feel about bugs. But I was baptized by fire in Brazil, and the fact that I can't hear these roaches run, their bodies are shorter than the width of my hand, and they can be killed with a fly swatter... It's gonna be okay!

I hope we get rid of them, that the super steps up and has some cockroach A-bomb, because apart from this issue our apartment is getting kind of homey, and I would love to just enjoy it :)
Here's my thought about setting limits - I've been reading Job and loving it, getting a lot more from it than I ever thought I would. And my continually expanding limits of what's okay for me reminded me of God and Satan arguing over limits for Job - first, Satan isn't allowed to touch Job's body, but then later his only limit is not to take Job's life. I am sure that Job was much more upset than I was to have his limits continually pushed, moved back, and disrespected. At the end of the book, however, he is able to say to God, "I had heard of you... but now my eye sees you" (42:5). I pray that no matter how outrageously, laughably, or tragically my physical, emotional and spiritual limits are tested, that God will see me through

In other news, there are ropes hanging in front of our living room window - hopefully we will have balcony railings soon and can enjoy our balcony for the rest of the summer! Also, I met a sweet old lady from our floor who has lived there 15 years. Her name is Dorothy, and her door is often propped open, so maybe we will visit some time!